Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.