I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.