At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.