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i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
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