I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?