There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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