My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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