I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it because I queefed?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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