The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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