At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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