We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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