Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
