I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
