After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
