its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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