i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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