If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
