Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
as a side note pls kill me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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