I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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