Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
