I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
