Umm I'm too high to move.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My balls are so social today.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
