Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
