Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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