"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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