do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
