I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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