youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
