I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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