he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
