you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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