the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize