I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
FUCK WHALES
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
