A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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