after a month anything with tits is on the radar
pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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