one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
