he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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