Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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