your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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