just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
