I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you traded sex for a burrito?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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