my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
