I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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