If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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