My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
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Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!