I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.