some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.