i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'