I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
