I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
