We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
