Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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