I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
