i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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