so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
