THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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