Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
