she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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